Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
