Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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