This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
