who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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