This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
