And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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