I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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