i wish my penis had a tongue
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
