So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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