i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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