ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
