why didn't you poke me back
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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