Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Never joke about your clitoris.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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