You don't have asthma, your pregnant
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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