here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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