spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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