so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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