my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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