I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
