Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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