It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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