Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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