Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
FUCK WHALES
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize