i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
