this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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