Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
