chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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