Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
