Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
