I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
