dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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