I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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