So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
