david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
