What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
