i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize