Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
