worst night to have a conscience
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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