I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
