if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
