you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
