sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
