you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
