if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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