Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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