There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
