"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
