I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
