he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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