My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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