Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
