he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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