Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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