Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
