Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
