and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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