one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
