he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
