The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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