She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You're like the curious george of whores
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize