Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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