You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
