He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
