i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
