Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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