Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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