mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
