we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
