Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
