His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize