is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize