$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize