you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
