i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
